Single Women Living Together part 2: About being 'like-minded'
Compatibility may not be that easy when looking for housemates and you hate the smell of fish
Hi, I’m Renée, a finance and business journalist, writer, and content strategist. The Budgette is a chill newsletter about single finances and is published twice a month to more than 2,000 subscribers, some paid - thank you as that supports my ability to take time to interview experts. I prefer to write when I have something to say and when I’m not here, I work on content strategy and execution for Canadian and U.S. publications and brands. If you want to work together, message me or you can find me on LinkedIn.
Some housekeeping notes: I’m in the process of moving the newsletter to Buttondown, (you can read the FAQ here). Please note there will be technical hiccups, as I’m experiencing already. It’s taking longer than expected because well, I’m the only one managing this process and life is happening aka tax season. Thank you for your patience.
This is part two of a series looking at solutions that focus on solving or mitigating issues that affect single people of all ages.
In the last issue of The Budgette, I spoke with Pat Dunn, 74, and founder of Ontario-based Senior Women Living Together, (SWLT), an organization that is open to any person who identifies as a woman, 55 years and older and living in Ontario.
You sign up to the platform, create your profile and search the member directory for compatible homemates. Once you have your group, you create your housemate agreement and begin looking for a place.
We talked about why Dunn founded the organization, how it works and who can apply in the last article.
As we all have read, having roommates can be the best or worst thing ever. We’ve read articles on roommate horror stories - probably on Reddit or Buzzfeed.
Dealing with roommates may be more tolerable in a temporary situation, but when it’s more permanent, you want to really choose who you want to live with, says Dunn.
Having a roommate or home sharing is not new for any age group, but due to expensive housing costs, limited budgets for seniors who may be relying entirely on their Canadian Pension Plan (CPP), Old Age Supplement (OAS) payments, the desire to age in place and the growing loneliness epidemic, more seniors are looking at roommates.
“You're more likely to be successful in these things if you have a willingness for self-examination,” Dunn says. “What does it really mean to be like-minded because that phrase comes up quite a bit in the Facebook group. [People] want to talk with like-minded women and I think to myself, ‘Well, like-minded about living together or like-minded about the other 100,000 things that you can talk about when you're living together?’”
Things to consider include religion and politics - the two things we’ve all been told to not discuss at all costs. These are asked when creating a SWLT profile.
“How comfortable are you with talking about religion? How comfortable are you with religious clothing? What do you think of political conversations? You want to have them or not?” explains Dunn.
She describes herself as political and was surprised at how many say no political conversations in their profile.
However, it could be that their family fought over politics so they could be protecting their peace of mind. For someone who talks about politics regularly, that would be a poor fit.
Other things to consider include food smells and food types. Dunn says vegetarians bring this up in their profile, some saying that the smell of cooking meat makes them feel ill. If you’re a meat eater, and you’re not willing to stop cooking meat, then you won’t be compatible.
What about living with your friends? It depends, says Dunn. She says you learn things about people when you live with them, and sometimes it works with your friends and sometimes it doesn’t. “Sometimes the last person you should live with is a good friend, quite frankly. You don't want to wreck the friendship.”
People get disappointed when they start the process of looking for roommates, she explains. “It shouldn't be as hard as it is to find that compatibility quotient with enough things that you're compatible on and no deal breakers on the others. But it is and so a lot of our very our members that join in there, they're really excited and you can tell by the way they write their introduction.”
They’re excited about meeting people and having a solution to their housing concerns but then reality hits. “All these variables come up and then they're contacting me and feel disappointed,” she says.
Dunn doesn’t promise an instant roommate connection but what she does tell interested people is they have to be persistent and work on it. Like anything else, it’s about self-examination, understanding that living together is a relationship and that does mean some compromise on the smaller things.
In an article written by Elle Gallagher, an SWLT member, she writes, “Getting to know others, really knowing them, takes time, conversations, laughs, cries, and trust. The ones you share community with are not always the ones that come up as your most obvious choices. Lean into this observation. Embrace those who are different.”
This week’s readings:
This viral post had me chatting with friends about the privilege in this piece (blindly trusting authorities) and the acknowledgment that anyone can get scammed, even financial-advice columnists. If you think you can’t get scammed, you’re probably wrong. The Day I Put $50,000 in a Shoe Box and Handed It to a Stranger (The Cut)
Talk to your parents and grandparents. Phone scams frequently target Canadian seniors. How to spot, respond to and report them, according to an expert (Yahoo Canada)
Duh. Macklem says BoC can't fix housing (LinkedIn)
Omg, I would be so mad. ‘I’m contemplating bankruptcy.’ This Florida woman had $500,000 in the bank, a mortgage-free home and no debt. Now, she’s totally broke — all because of her husband’s financial infidelity (MoneyWise via Yahoo Canada)
Written by me: More of us are becoming unpaid caregivers to our aging parents. Here's how to prepare for and navigate the crushing costs (Toronto Star)
Am I going to listen to an economist who swears? Probably. The secret economics destroying Britain | Gary Stevenson interview (Politics Joe, YouTube)
I dislike his advice, which tends to be shame-based and doesn’t acknowledge modern context. Dave Ramsey Tells Millions What to Do With Their Money. People Under 40 Say He’s Wrong. (WSJ)
I love watches and have a little collection of vintage Timexes. I would love one but can’t justify a Cartier (yet? Who knows.) Women watch collectors are having a moment. (Marie Claire) I’m enjoying MC’s money issue.
Not an article, but I won a Silver in the Canadian Online Publishing Awards for Best Content Marketing Campaign for a project I worked on with MoneySense.
Editor’s note: In the last issue I stated that Pat Dunn was homeless and living in her car. She was not, she was nearly homeless. The Budgette regrets the error.