Building the ship while at sea: Lessons in solo parenting
by Katrina Antonopoulos
This is the first in the monthly series about finances and single parenting.
As a single parent with three children, I am often met with shocked stares and “I don’t know how you do it!” or “You must have your hands full!” But rarely am I asked for advice, because when I do, the requestor doesn’t often like the answer, and I’m usually met with blank stares or a quick change of subject.
My advice is, “You must plan and prepare for the possibility that you will be parenting alone and if that’s not something you want to do, you should reconsider having a child.” Harsh? Maybe, but in Canada, 268,170 families are headed by a single parent with 83 per cent of those being single mothers.
But what does that planning really look like? Often, we think of child care, vacations, and getting the kids to-and-from-school, but what we should be talking about is financial security, because beyond the difficulty of being a single parent, nearly 25 per cent of one-parent families are living below the poverty line.
While a lot of issues single parents face are systemic, pre-planning for your family and your future should help mitigate the financial risks of having kids. That’s something I learned the hard way.
Like many young married couples, my kids’ father and I planned for three children, but we did not properly plan for our futures or theirs - not until they came along. While we had dual incomes, access to child care, and a small support network, we didn't have any savings, retirement plans or RESPs which caused financial issues during our marriage. When we eventually separated in 2019 after 11 years of marriage and kids between the ages of 3-8, those financial issues went from nagging to true struggle, and it’s taken me more than six years to right size that ship alone, with no family support and many hard lessons along the way.
The first step before having kids is sitting down and planning your financial future whether you’re planning on a family with a spouse or doing it alone. If you aren’t starting there, you won’t be able to plan accordingly.
Next, you’re going to need to look at your expenses and saving habits.If you aren’t already saving for retirement, you should plan to do so for at least a year before having a child. If you are already saving for retirement, you’ll need to budget and have a spending plan for your future. Even with $10 a day child care, many providers in Ontario and other provinces haven’t been included and spots are hard to come by.
After this, look at how much money you can comfortably put away for post secondary education. In my experience, three to five per cent of your salary per child per month is your best bet, and learn about the government subsidies through the Registered Education Savings Plan and grant programs available through banks and credit unions.
The cost of raising a child to age 17 is $293,000 according to Statistics Canada and that doesn’t include post secondary education, or anything exceptional like annual stints at summer camp, braces, or unexpected expenses.
For the 2025 school year, post secondary tuition, not including residence, is over $8,000 a year at many Canadian universities - a number that is only going to increase with the endless government cuts to higher education.
As for me? Although I had to build the ship while we had already set sail, I’m getting caught up in saving for both my kids and myself - we’re nowhere near where I want to be (yet) but we’re about a third of the way there for my kids and I can say that as of today, no matter how small, I am saving for my future, too.
So while it’s deeply unromantic to think about the financial implications of having children, if you aren’t planning for it, you’ll be stuck so start planning before they arrive.
Katrina Antonopoulos is a semi-retired writer, advertising professional, and parent from Toronto.
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